


Loving You Is So Much Harder Than Hating You

by Haughtshit1



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Sad Ending, Wynsita, i miss Rosita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haughtshit1/pseuds/Haughtshit1
Summary: A Wynonna Earp and Rosita Bustillos fanfiction that revolves around the struggle of two lovers that love each other, but are destined for hatred.**Whiskey. So much whiskey. Shot after shot. Bottle after bottle."What the hell do you want me to say Wynonna? I fucking love you! And I fucking hate, how much I love you!" Rosita couldn't help the slight slur to her words that came with a bottle of whiskey."Shut the fuck up Rosie! You don't love me! I'm......unlovable." Wynonna's arms gestured wildly as she spoke. Her voice gradually grew quieter as she reached the end of her sentence.**Alice, baby girl, I’m going away.” Rosita looked directly into Alice’s doe-eyed, innocent eyes that seemed to show emotions just like her own.Alice opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, a confused look spread across her face. “Where?” her voice was high-pitched and filled with wonder. Rosita directed her view towards the ground.“Nowhere good.” She said sadly.“I don’t understand.” Alice scratched the back of her neck, her eyes squinting hard at the woman in front of her. Rosita inhaled deeply. She spoke quietly. “I don’t expect you to.”
Relationships: Nicole Haught & Alice Michelle, Rosita Bustillos & Alice Michelle, Rosita Bustillos/Wynonna Earp, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp & Alice Michelle
Comments: 19
Kudos: 46





	Loving You Is So Much Harder Than Hating You

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii. i miss Rosita, so i made a Wynsita fanfic .....  
> its canon-ish. Except Wynsita is obviously a thing, season 3 didn't happen (so no bulshar or anything) aaaaand.... oh yeah, its set over a couple of years. You'll get the jist of it as you read. Thank you :)))
> 
> (i know that the writing at the start isn't fantastic, but I feel like it got better as I got more into the story, so just bare with me.)

Wynonna stared at the woman in front of her. Tears were threatening to spill, but she wouldn't let them. Her face twitched and a small frown fell upon her lips. Her soft blue eyes made direct contact with the dark red eyes in front of her. She felt her breathing pick up rapidly. Wynonna tried to slow it down, but it was useless. She didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry. Maybe both.

After a few more seconds of silence, Wynonna finally spoke. Her voice was quiet, yet firm. "You lied to me."

Rosita turned her head towards the ground. She was ashamed, so ashamed. Her voice shook, she spoke in a mumble. "I-... I didn't lie. I just- I just didn't tell you the whole truth. I was scared-"

"Deceiving me is lying!" Even Wynonna was surprised by the sudden volume of her own voice. Rosita flinched and stepped back. Wynonna felt her heart drop. She knew that she was supposed to be mad, but her heart still dropped. The sadness towards herself still grew. She scared Rosita. The fact that scaring Rosita made her sad made Wynonna even angrier.

"This is, this is bullshit. You lied! Was everything a lie? You're a fucking revenant! You, you." her voice broke as she lay an accusatory finger on Rosita's chest.

"I didn't...I love you Wynonna, that was never a lie. My love for you was never a lie." Rosita spoke quietly, her head directed towards the ground. She tried to hold her tears in. She couldn't cry.

I can't cry because I'm the person who's wrong. I'm the one who fucked up. Rosita's mind was racing. Her breathing was rapid. But she tried to control it. Her voice finally cracked, and the tears finally fell. "I'm so sorry Wynonna."

The next few seconds were a blur. One minute they were standing, facing each other and the next Rosita made contact with the wooden floor of Shorty's basement. Wynonna pulled her hand back the second she realised she had pushed her. But didn't make any move to help her up. "Fuck you Rosita. Fuck you."

Wynonna slowly walked backwards, retreating to the old stairs. Her back encountered the bannister. She turned around and ran as fast as she could. To nowhere in particular. To anywhere but here. Anywhere where Rosita wasn't.

Rosita pulled her knees to her chest. She curled up in a ball on the sticky wooden floor. She let loose. Wynonna was gone. Maybe forever.

Her tears fell faster, and her sobs grew louder. "I-I'm so sorry. Wynonna come back. C-come back Wynonna." she tried her best, but nobody was there to hear her. The only person that she wanted there was gone.

Wynonna didn't stop running until she reached the edge of town. She collapsed onto the side of the street, next to the ancient purgatory sign. Bullet holes from her own target practice littered that stupid sign. Wynonna fumbled her hands around until they finally found peacemaker. She picked it up and stared at it. She examined the intricate markings that ran all the way up the metal barrel. As Wynonna stared, peacemaker vibrated in her hands. As if it was trying to tell her that it was there for her. It only made everything worse.

Wynonna dropped the gun with a heavy thud and crawled backwards. A strangled gasp soon turned into a loud sob. Her head slumped into her hands as she let the tears fall. "Fuck."

"FUCK!" Wynonna screamed at the top of her lungs to the empty space that was surrounding her

-

Wynonna's head hit her pillow. It was an odd feeling. She hadn't slept in her own bed in a while. She would usually end up staying with Rosita above the bar. Whenever she tried to get Rosita to stay in her house she would always come up with some sort of an excuse. Now she knew why. "She couldn't stay in the homestead 'cause she's a revenant," Wynonna mumbled into her pillow. Wynonna's hand was hanging off her bed, limply holding a bottle of whiskey, half empty. Her eyes felt heavy, but her mind was too full to sleep. Wynonna closed her eyes, but memories kept on flooding in.

She must've fallen asleep at some point because hours later Wynonna awoke to the ringing of her phone. The illuminated screen was too bright for Wynonna's hungover eyes. With a groan and a squint, she managed to read the name shining brightly on her phone. 'Rosie'.

She left it till its final ring. But she did answer it. "Nonna?" Rosita's spoke with a slur. There was a moment of silence before Wynonna responded.

"Yeah, Rosie. It's me. What, what do you want?" Wynonna spoke softly. A surprising feeling of comfort washed over both women.

"Um. I'm outside your door." Rosita muttered. 

"W-what? How? That's not-"

Rosita interrupted Wynonna's confused state "Well, not your door. I'm outside the gate of your land. I tried to come in.......I got bitch slapped away." Wynonna tried her best to suppress her laugh but failed miserably and snorted into the phone.

"Okay. I'll be out in a minute." Wynonna hung up the phone and hobbled out of bed. She searched the floor for any kind of clothing. Grabbing a black and blue flannel and a black pair of jeans, Wynonna slipped her clothes on while simultaneously pouring herself a cup of coffee.

As she stepped outside into the cold winter air her eyes skimmed the horizon. Sitting centimetres away from the wooden gate that marked the entrance of the Earp homestead, was Rosita Bustillos. She was holding herself tightly in some attempt to keep herself warm despite the snow that was starting to fall.

Wynonna gradually made her way towards the girl, gripping her coffee mug tightly. "Rosie."

Rosita turned her head upwards, she looked directly into Wynonna's eyes.

"How long have you been out here? It's freezing." 

Wynonna asked. "A while. It. It took me a while to build up the courage to call you." Rosita tried to hide her shivering, but the blue tint to her lips gave it away. Wynonna sat cautiously next to the girl. The wind was picking up now, howling at them. Like it was pleading at them to speak to one another. Rosita gently lowered her head to Wynonna's shoulder. Wynonna tensed before gradually relaxing and allowing Rosita to rest there.

"I'm supposed to hate you," Rosita confessed. She turned to face Wynonna before continuing "I'm supposed to hate you, but I don't. And that, that sucks because loving you is _so_ much harder than hating you."

Wynonna moved closer, pressing her forehead against Rosita's. "I'm supposed to send you to hell. I can't. I know I can't." Wynonna whispered.

"Nonna, you have to. If you ever want to live a normal life, you have to." Rosita's voice broke and a tear cascaded down her cheek. "I'm sorry. I get why you didn't tell me." Wynonna mumbled. "I should have told you. I'm so _fucking_ sorry Nonna."

Wynonna settled her hands gently onto Rosita's chin, her lips moved forward as she placed a soft kiss upon Rosita's cold lips. Rosita whimpered, trying to hold in her tears. "I forgive you. Now let's go get you warmed up." Wynonna announced softly.

"I can't come in," Rosita spoke quietly.

Wynonna replied instantly "that's why we're going to your stupid tiny apartment that's above an ancient bar where you can 'sit where Wyatt Earp once sat'." The slight giggle that fell from Rosita's lips at that moment concreted the thought in Wynonna's brain. She could never send Rosita back there. She would never send her back there.

**

Whiskey. So much whiskey. Shot after shot. Bottle after bottle.

"What the hell do you want me to say Wynonna? I _fucking_ love you! And I fucking _hate_ , how much I love you!" Rosita couldn't help the slight slur to her words that came with a bottle of whiskey.

"Shut the fuck up Rosie! You don't love me! I'm......unlovable." Wynonna's arms gestured wildly as she spoke. Her voice gradually grew quieter as she reached the end of her sentence.

"Bullshit! Do you really think I would be here if I don't love you? I wish I didn't love you! My life is a shit show _because_ I love you! Everything would be so much fucking easier if I hated you. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME FUCKING HATE YOU! Why do you have to be so _fucking_ perfect! Why do you have to make me laugh? Why do you have to know exactly what to say to make me feel better? Why do you have to be so fucking adorable when you sleep? Why the fuck, do you have to be so beautiful? And it's not just your looks! It's all of you. Your _stupid_ brain is just as beautiful as your stupid fucking body!"

Rosita slowly inched forward as she spoke, kicking the wall in anger every now and then. By the end of her speech, she stood face to face with Wynonna. She swayed slightly, staring into Wynonna's eyes. Her breathing was heavy, and her eyes briefly glowed a deep red before returning to their natural soft brown.

Wynonna stared right back. Her anger was growing hastily. She shouted loudly directly into Rosita's face, her hands gesturing rapidly "I DON'T _WANT_ YOU TO LOVE ME! How, how the _fuck_ , do you expect me to kill you if you love me? It would be one thing if I had this, this shitty unrequited love thing going on, but the fact that you love me? The fact that I FINALLY love someone who is capable of loving me back? And now I have to shoot you in your stupid fucking revenant head! THIS IS BULLSHIT! Why is the world so messed-”?

Rosita blinked heavily before lunging forward. Rosita's lips connected with Wynonna's. Her hands grasped at Wynonna's face as she pushed them both hard into the back wall.

Wynonna responded ferociously, spinning around so they had swapped positions. Rosita's nails scraped into Wynonna's back; the conversation was long forgotten.

**

It was late one evening. Wynonna and Rosita cuddled closely on the couch that had been stolen from the homestead and brought to Rosita's tiny apartment above Shorty's.Wynonna Earp, a cuddler. Almost unimaginable. All it took was one not-so-young, wise undead girl.

"What's it like, down......there?" Wynonna spoke softly. There was silence for a while. Wynonna had accepted that she wasn't going to get an answer when Rosita turned her body so that she was facing Wynonna.

She replied in almost a whisper. "It doesn't matter what Doc says about that well.... I don't care how much he complains about it or how bad it really was in there; I would rather spend three hundred years in that tiny well, than another minute in hell."

"So….it sucks?"

Rosita giggled softly."Yeah Wynonna, it sucks balls."

"You know Rosie, some people like that." Wynonna grinned and laughed loudly at her own joke.

"Nonna!" Rosita tried to scald her but instead, she joined in with laughter.

**

Rosita held Alice close to her chest. The sleeping baby snored softly. Wynonna watched from a distance as Rosita's smile grew towards the baby. A small groan escaped her lips as Wynonna placed her head on the bar top. She mumbled quietly to herself. "What the hell did I get myself into."

**

"I can't do it. I already told you, I can't do it," Wynonna said quietly, a small tremble apparent in her words.

Rosita leaned her head into Wynonna. "Nonna. You have to. I'm the last one." She mumbled into Wynonna's chest.

"No. No, I can't. I won't," Wynonna whispered.

They stood like that for what felt like hours. Rosita listened intently to Wynonna's heartbeat. Wynonna wrapped her strong arms around her, never wanting to let go.

Suddenly Wynonna pulled back from the embrace. Her hands reached her side and she whipped peacemaker out. Rosita instinctively squeezed her eyes shut. When nothing happened for a couple of seconds, she slowly reopened them.

Wynonna was shaking. She was on the verge of a panic attack. She held peacemaker under her chin, pointing upwards. The barrel felt cold on her skin.

"Wynonna, how is that going to help anyone!" Rosita said rapidly.

"If I kill myself, I don't have to kill you!" Wynonna cocked the gun before continuing. "I won't have to deal with this anymore, and you don't have to go to hell." Rosita responded quickly. "If you die, the curse isn't broken! If you die, Alice is the one who has to kill me! Do you really want your child to have to deal with this _SHIT_! Think of Alice-"

Wynonna dropped peacemaker to the floor before interrupting. "ALL I DO IS THINK OF ALICE!"

"SHE NEEDS A PARENT WYNONNA!"

"YOU'RE HER PARENT! You've always been her parent," Wynonna retorted. The sound of laboured breathing filled the air. Rosita slowly walked towards Wynonna and gently placed her hand on her cheek.

"Wynonna. Going back there is the last thing I want. But I need you to be happy." Rosita spoke in a whisper.

Wynonna leaned forward, forcing their foreheads to touch. "When are you going to realise that you _make_ me happy"

"You have to shoot me. You have to end the curse." Rosita whispered.

"Someday, but not today," Wynonna replied. "Not today, " Rosita repeated quietly.

**

It was late at night. Wynonna was drawing circles absentmindedly on Rosita's back as they tried to drift off to sleep. A quiet whisper broke the silence.

"What if you do it while I sleep?"

Wynonna thought deeply before replying. "Do you, do you think about it a lot."

"Well, yeah. Wynonna, you have to do it soon." Rosita turned her body towards Wynonna, so they were face to face before continuing. "You're going to do it soon. And then, you'll wait a while, but you'll fall in love with somebody else-"

"No, I won't."

"Nonna don't-"

"Rosita. I won't. I never believed in true love or soulmates or _any_ of that shit. But, we aren't supposed to work. We shouldn't work, yet I have never loved anything or anyone more than I love you. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love that stupid face you make when you're concentrating really hard. I love how sweet you are with Alice. I love your sense of humour. Rosita Bustillos, I love everything about you.......Marry me."

Rosita stared, speechless. "Come on Rosie, your killin' me here!" Wynonna joked.

"Wynonna Earp. You have to shoot me soon. Like, really soon. Yet, you want me to marry you. Your logic has always been quite flawed."

Wynonna smiled softly before responding. "I'll do it right after. I want to be your wife, before... _you know_. So, a solid yes, no, maybe?"

Rosita laughed lightly. "It would be an honour. Yes. Yeah. Wynonna, I would love to marry you."

**

"Wynonna, are you sure about this?" Rosita fidgeted with her hands while talking, her eyes directed towards the ground. Wynonna gently placed her hands on Rosita's. She then placed a single finger under Rosita's chin and tugged softly upwards, they were eye to eye.

"You're the last revenant, give me one good reason we need all this ammolite shit anymore," Wynonna said quietly yet firmly.

She held a large, clear bag full of the strange material close to her face, before throwing it as far away as she could. "YEET!"

Rosita laughed loudly at Wynonna's actions. "You're so stupid." a delicate kiss interrupted Rosita. She took a deep breath before continuing in a murmur "You realise you're going to have to go get that, right?" Wynonna rolled her eyes and took Rosita by the wrist, guiding her towards the homestead.

Rosita stopped suddenly when they reached the outside of the old building, pulling Wynonna backwards until she fell into her arms. She looked up into the taller girl’s eyes. "We're going to get married here. Right here." Rosita declared.

Wynonna grinned widely. "We are?"

"Damn straight we are!" Rosita said assertively.

"More like damn gay." Wynonna snorted loudly at her joke, pulling Rosita further into the old house. "Wynonna, you're not as funny as you think."

"Bullshit. I'm a hoot and a half!" Rosita snuggled further into Wynonna's side.

“Wynonna?” Rosita asked quietly as they sat down on the dusty wooden floor where a couch _should_ be.

“Rosita?” Wynonna looked into Rosita’s eyes. There were a few seconds of silence before Rosita responded.

“Why go through the trouble of getting rid of _all_ of the ammolite instead of just putting the talisman back in the ground?”

Wynonna stayed dumb for a few moments. Her response was soft.

“Talisman feels temporary. This feels, permanent.”

**

"Wynonna, are you sure about this?" Waverly fidgeted with the zipper on the back of Wynonna's sweetheart neckline, mermaid wedding dress. The slim fit of the dress accentuated her curves flawlessly.

Wynonna turned to face Waverly. "Waves, I have never been surer about anything in my life. This will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Not _marrying_ her, that'll be.... perfect." She let out a breath before continuing, "After the wedding, that’s going to be…. I'm going to need you. You'll be there?"

Waverly leaned forward until their foreheads where touching. "Always." She whispered while simultaneously locking Wynonna's pinkie finger in her own. "I pinkie promise!" Wynonna smiled before swiftly wiping away a single tear.

"Okay then!" She clapped her hands together loudly. "Go get Haught-shot and let's get this party started!"

-

"Okay....how do I look my dear darling bae of honour." Rosita stepped into Jeremy's view and twirled slowly. Jeremy smiled widely. He was speechless. "Wow."

The white ballgown dress with a bejewelled top made her look even more beautiful than normal.

"Are you ready?" Jeremy asked. "So ready," Rosita replied.

"Are you ready for _after_?" Jeremy spoke quietly. His voice shook as his eyes darted around the room. Looking anywhere but at Rosita. Rosita diverted her eyes to the floor.

"I'm trying to be," she said in a whisper. Jeremy inhaled deeply, trying not to cry. "I'm going to miss you so _fucking_ much" his voice broke as he spoke.

"Jeremy swearing. Who are you and where did you put the real Jeremy?" Rosita tried to joke but it came out flatly. She sniffled before bombarding Jeremy with a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, no crying. You'll ruin your make-up." Jeremy tried to reason, but it was contradicted by his own tears.

"Waterproof." She mumbled into his shoulder.

"You've always been prepared," Jeremy said while slipping out of the hug. He reached his thumb up to her face and softly wiped away the tears.

"You have to be with a girl like Wynonna." Rosita smiled while saying her name.

"You really love her," Jeremy stated.

"More than anything."

-

Alice slowly dropped a variety of flower petals as she walked down the make-shift aisle on the Earp land. Her smile was wide and bright. Excitement coursed through her veins.

Robin's hands gracefully glided over each key on the piano that he and Nedley had spent over an hour carrying onto the homestead. His rendition of _‘Here Comes the Bride’_ flowed through the air.

Doc hooked his arm into Rosita's, guiding her down the aisle. Rosita gazed at each face in the crowd. It was a small wedding. Full of the people who _really_ loved them. As Doc walked her down the aisle, she looked forward and saw Alice's childish face. Her feet we're bobbing up and down as she tried to stay still at the top of the aisle. Rosita couldn't help but smile even wider at the young girl's actions. Doc's arm slipped out of hers when they reached the top of the garden. He stood to the side. Rosita turned slowly, just on time to see Wynonna strut down the aisle like she owned it. _'Well, I guess she does own it.'_ Rosita thought to herself.

Nicole slowly led Wynonna down the Earp land. Her arm slotted perfectly into Wynonna's. They made eye contact for a split second as they walked down the aisle. Nicole gave Wynonna a reassuring smile. Nicole took a deep breath, letting it out quietly.

She was surprised, to say the least when Wynonna asked her to walk her down the aisle. Honoured, but surprised. Doc walking Rosita down made perfect sense, he's the only person who was even alive when Rosita was born. But Nicole? She felt so much pressure at first. This day had to be perfect. Beyond perfect. At first, she didn't understand why Wynonna even asked her to do such a thing. But now, as she gently guided Wynonna, she understood. _'Wynonna Earp is my best friend....and I love her'_ Nicole smiled at the thought. As they reached the top of the garden. Nicole whispered quietly in Wynonna's ear before walking slowly to her correct place. "Thank you."

The music came to halt as Wynonna and Rosita faced each other. Randy Nedley gave a curt nod to both Wynonna and Rosita before clearing his throat and beginning.

"To all present I say: We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because marriage is created in the hearts of two loving people. We can and do, however, gather to celebrate with Wynonna Earp and Rosita Bustillos the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the commitment they make today." his smile was present throughout his words. Nedley took a deep breath. "I have known Wynonna Earp her whole life. All though an unexpected and odd pairing," Alice’s stifled giggles spread throughout the air. "Rosita and Wynonna, I can assure you; this beautiful pairing might very well be the best thing to come out of Purgatory in a long ass time!" tears began filling the eyes in the crowd.

Waverly sniffled quietly, trying to pull herself together. Wynonna finally found someone who was perfect for her, who deserved her… and now, now they were getting married. But knowing their future was making this so-called joyous occasion something else. Waverly moved her gaze towards Rosita. The girl was smiling brightly, looking deeply into Wynonna’s eyes.

-

_Waverly and Nicole snuggled closely in bed. Nicole was tracing lines softly onto Waverly’s back. She thought that the younger girl was fast asleep. Nicole was beginning to doze off herself when Waverly spoke quietly._

_“Nicole?”_

_“Yeah Waves?” Nicole replied sleepily._

_Waverly sat up suddenly. Nicole tracked her movements._

_“Rosita doesn’t deserve what’s going to happen to her. She doesn’t. At all.”_

_“I know that Waves-” Nicole started before being interrupted._

_“I wanted to be the heir.”_

_“Waverly, slow down.” Nicole sat up, concern from her girlfriend’s actions washing over her._

_“No, Nicole. I wanted to be the heir.” Waverly continued, “I wanted to be the heir, and I wanted to be special, SO badly. But the truth is being the heir sucks!” she was quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Wynonna finally has someone who is perfect for her… and this stupid curse, has fucked her over, AGAIN!” Nicole stayed silent, listening intently. “I wanted to be the heir… but that doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. Why would I want that? If I-, if I had to do THAT…. I would kill myself before letting anything happen to you-”_

_“WAVERLY! Stop! No, stop it.” Nicole responded quickly. Waverly wrapped her arms back around Nicole. They slowly lay back down on the bed, Nicole stroking Waverly’s hair._

_“I’m so scared for her.” Waverly whispered quietly._

_“I know. I am too.” Nicole replied._

-

Waverly watched Rosita. She looked at Wynonna like she was the most perfect thing in the world. Waverly understood that perfectly. She turned her eyes towards Nicole.

“It is now time for the vows. I believe the couple have written their own. Wynonna, if you would like to kick things off.” Nedley said.

“I don’t want to do my vows now.” Nedley looked at Wynonna with a confused look in his eyes. “What?”

“I don’t want to do them yet. Not here, not yet.”

Nedley quickly composed himself. “Okay then!” he clapped his hands together loudly. “Rosita, are you ready?”

“Always.”

“Wynonna Earp, when you turned 27-years-old I felt it. _We_ all did. But it was nothing like the feeling I get when I look at you, or when you smile, or when you give Alice piggy-back rides. I felt that you were the heir, but I also felt terrified. When Doc offered me protection from you, I took it in a heartbeat; little did I know you would make my heartbeat ten times faster. Not from fear, but from love. When I met you, you didn’t even know I was a revenant. It was the perfect plan, get close to you, but not close enough that you would find out about my past. Become acquaintances and help you. But I got too close. _Way_ too close. And I didn’t even care. Because you are everything. I have lived a very long time, but I hadn’t felt life until I met you. On one drunken night, I told you that I hated how much I love you. But that’s a lie. I know, that even though luck isn’t a thing I ever really had, I must be a very lucky person, because you let me give my heart to you. I can’t promise you a lot. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what happens, I promise that I will _never_ stop loving you.”

There was silence. Not an awkward silence, more of an appreciative silence. Nicole Haught felt tears prick her eyes. Her breathing was speeding up. She bit her lip to try and hold in the waterworks. She felt herself remembering the conversation her and Waverly had that night months ago. Although she would never admit it, she agreed completely with Waverly. It might have been hypocritical for Nicole to think so, but she would die before letting anything happen to Waverly.

Nicole zoned out, thinking about all the depressing possibilities that came with their crazy life.

“…you may kiss the bride!” Wynonna held Rosita’s soft face in her hands. She looked into Rosita’s dark eyes. They flashed red so quickly that Wynonna thinks she could have imagined it. Wynonna always hated the red that came with revenant’s eyes. It seemed so stereotypically evil. But Rosita was different. Her red was somehow different. It wasn’t evil, it wasn’t even remotely bad. Wynonna could always tell what Rosita was feeling from her eyes. She might have been able to hide her emotions in every other aspect, but her eyes always gave her away. The red didn’t show evil. it showed love. It showed fear. It sometimes showed anger, but Wynonna could tell the difference. The colour showed joy and sadness and all emotions that came with life, but mostly, it showed love.

Rosita met Wynonna half-way. There lips met and everyone else instantly disappeared. The future no longer mattered, just this moment with each other. Rosita heard music ringing in her ears.

 _‘Moving forward using all my breath. Making love to you was never second best. I saw the world crashing all around your face. Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace. I'll stop the world and melt with you. You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time. There's nothing you and I won't do. I'll stop the world and melt with yo_ u’

**

The reception was perfect. Wynonna traded her high heels for combat boots and Rosita switched hers out for black converse.

They sat on a fold-up wooden chair, Rosita on Wynonna’s lap. Alice was running around in circles, Nicole chasing her, slightly hunched over. Wynonna and Rosita watched silently.

Wynonna broke the silence. “Are you ready?”

Rosita answered quietly, leaning back into Wynonna’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to say goodbye to her.”

Wynonna held Rosita tighter. Eventually, Rosita built up the courage to stop Alice from playing. She placed her hands on the little girl’s shoulders and crouched down so she was on the same level as her.

“What is it Mommy?” Alice asked, clearly preoccupied by the thought of playing with her aunt Nicole. Her innocence made Rosita flinch.

“I…” she let out a heavy breath of air. “I love you; I didn’t give birth to you but-”

“Mama says that that doesn’t matter. She says you choose your family, and I choose you!” she had a look of determination splattered across her face, one that reminds Rosita of Waverly.

The corners of Rosita’s eyes grew wet. Alice reached forward and forced her into a hug. “Don’t cry Mama. I don’t care who is bio- bi- logic, I love you and Mama both the sames!”that just made Rosita cry harder.

She sat down in the grass, no longer caring about the white dress getting dirty. Alice sat in Rosita’s lap and stroked her mother’s hair.

For an hour Wynonna watched them, surprised by the level of patience her daughter seemed to have. Somewhere during this time Waverly had made her way next to Wynonna. They didn’t speak either, just listened to the music being played and kept their eyes focused on the pair sitting in the grass.

“Alice, baby girl, I’m going away.” Rosita looked directly into Alice’s doe-eyed, innocent eyes that seemed to show emotions just like her own.

Alice opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, a confused look spread across her face. “Where?” her voice was high-pitched and filled with wonder. Rosita directed her view towards the ground.

“Nowhere good.” She said sadly.

“I don’t understand.” Alice scratched the back of her neck, her eyes squinting hard at the woman in front of her. Rosita inhaled deeply. She spoke quietly. “I don’t expect you to.”

Rosita stood up suddenly, bringing Alice with her. She bent forward, placing her forehead against the younger girls.

“Just, promise me, promise me you won’t forget me.” Rosita’s voice broke. She knew she was being selfish. But she couldn’t bare the thought of Alice forgetting she ever existed in the first place.

“Mommy, where are you going?” Alice’s voice trembled.

“Be good for Mama.” Alice hesitated before replying, “I always am.”

Rosita placed a soft kiss on Alice’s forehead, before standing up and walking away, wiping her tears swiftly, trying to ignore the sounds behind her.

“But Mommy. Where are you going? MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” Alice was hysterical. She tried to run after Rosita, but Nicole wrapped her arms around the young girl, pulling her back into her arms. “Shhhh, shhh, I got you, I’ve got you.”

And Alice sobbed. She was confused, and hurt, and she didn’t even know why she was crying, but Nicole cried with her. Nicole held her tightly and they cried. She didn’t know where her Mother was going, but she had a dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach, that wherever she would be going, she would not be coming back.

**

Wynonna and Rosita sat on the old crappy couch above Shorty’s. Wedding dresses discarded.

“I’m ready for my vows.” Wynonna spoke quietly. She held peacemaker in her lap. The gun used to be comforting, her precious peacemaker. How did her feelings towards the old relic turn so quickly?

With a shaking hand and closed eyes, Wynonna aimed the gun, so it was directly in front of Rosita’s skull. Rosita audibly gulped.Wynonna took a deep breath before continuing.

“Rosita Bustillos. I promise to always love you. I promise to never stop loving you. I promise that I never lied about my love for you. You said it yourself, loving you is so much harder than hating you. But Rosie, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Wynonna’s voice was hoarse, hot tears began crawling down her face. “because loving you, loving you is the best thing that has _ever_ happened to me. I don’t care if we were meant to spend an eternity hating each other. I don’t care if doing that would have been easier. You know I don’t like easy.” Rosita laughed sadly, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t pick easy. I am not easy or simple…. And thank _fuck_ for that because if life was easy, I wouldn’t have had the chance to love you. And if I didn’t get to do that, then my life would have just been wasted space. So, Rosita Bustillos, I promise to love you for ever, and I promise to show you that love until hell do us part.” A strangled noise escaped from Rosita’s lips that sounded like both a sob and a laugh.

Wynonna cocked peacemaker. Her hands were trembling dangerously. Rosita blinked heavily. After what felt like a century, Wynonna still hadn’t pulled the trigger. She whispered sadly “I can’t.”

Rosita raised her hand and placed it on top of Wynonna’s. the two hands lay on the trigger. Smoke spread throughout the air. The smell of burning skin filled Wynonna’s nostrils. Rosita grimaced and flinched in pain but made no move to remove her hand. “Goodbye, Wynonna.” Rosita said softly. She forced her head forward against the barrel of the gun. The sound of sizzling skin was deafening. She smiled, before pulling the trigger.

Peacemaker glowed a bright blue. It listened to Rosita, and in an instant, flames engulfed her. Wynonna dropped the gun in shock. Her hands met with the wooden floor of the apartment, searching for her lover.

**

Wynonna lay in Rosita’s bed. She had done it so many times before, but now it was different.

Her hands gripped Rosita’s pillow tightly as she inhaled the smell of her wife’s shampoo. An involuntary whimper escaped her lips. She had opened the flood gates. She convulsively cried, breaking down on Rosita’s side of the bed.

Wynonna’s chest heaved rapidly; her lungs weren’t listening to her. She felt like a seven-year-old having an asthma attack. Wynonna cried harder than she ever did before. Harder than when her Mama left, harder than when she shot her daddy. The only person that would be able to console her was gone.

Peacemaker buzzed quietly outside Shorty’s. It lay in the sudden onslaught of rain. A puddle forming around it. It would be destroyed the next day, but for now, a puddle outside of a bar would have to do. The smashed glass that it had been violently thrown through scattered around it, giving the gun some company.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! constructive criticism is always welcome. Feel free to comment and kudos and all that jazz but also be your own person and don't listen to me xxx


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